One Yukkuri Place

Read the rules before proceeding!

Topic: WIMY

Posted under General

Hitosura

Rawr! So, I finally decided I should like, make a post about it or something.

One of these days, I'll -attempt- to -look into- drawing all this. It'd probably be easier on some levels.

Anyway, on to the reason I wanted to do this thread:

#1. To keep in touch with you guys who read it

#2. To maybe toss out some of my thoughts and ideas

#3. To let you know the status of the current chapter

#4. Author's notes.

One thing I've always liked is author notes -- a peek inside the mind of the writer. So, let me share with ya some of mine.

Originally, I didn't even plan to have Marisa get a body. No, seriously. Then came two paths: #1. She dies, or #2. Dies, but doesn't really. Gets a body instead.

It was then I realized, "Dood, I have way more to write. I can't just fast-forward a few years."

So, this was what I settled on. I even had an idea to have her get her gold badge back, early-on, but opted-out for that, since I made her bodied. It was around then I decided, "If she wants to love me, she needs a brain." That's where the idea for her to get a human-level education came from. Not sure how that'll play out (not that getting a GED is -that- hard).

The small hat she still carries with her? I actually planned on having a funeral scene with Marisa being forced to give up the hat and bury it, as a means of saying goodbye with her previous life. I changed that, and even have a better idea for that hat that will come later.

I still have a -lot- of material, it just mostly depends on time and energy. Like I've previously stated: I have to -want- to write. If I'm not in the mood (or too tired), I can get ADHD, anxious, or just not get my mind into the story. If that happens, the quality of my material suffers. It's the reason the last few bits took so long.

Also, as I said, the whole point of those small subchapters is for me to do 'stuff' without having to divert attention from a full-chapter. Like an omake. I have one I wanted to do for Ch6, but have been trying to focus my energies on Ch7. I've got a few things that are gonna come rolling around.

BTW, that stuff about my family in Ch6 is real. :3

Anyway, take it easy!

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  • boom

    Looking forward to it, easy!

    I have this idea rattling around for an idea similar to Saline's RSPA Fact Sheet, except in a much more expanded form. It'll even form the basis of a few future stories, if I'm lucky.

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  • Hitosura

    So, I'm really behind schedule on Ch7 (or am I not? This is turning into another REALLY FREKKIN' LONG ONE). xD Blame the release of Gravity Rush 2 and Tales of Berseria on it. I'm still -slowly- working on it. Have a preview or two or... lots!

    "Master, there's someone at the front door."

    I blinked. My friend wasn't coming by to discuss the RFID idea until after work, so it couldn't be him. I wasn't expecting anyone else. I stood up.

    "Coming."

    Curious. Could this be about the Yuphinage? I didn't exactly have any real visitors turn up yet -- mostly e-mails and messages on the social media page, asking almost predominantly about badges. I made my way to the front of the house and peeked through the window. Roughly my height. Cheap-looking suit. Glasses. Looked anxious. My five-second analysis. I moved to the door and opened it. Forensics mode.

    "Hey," I said, and stepped through.

    He offered me a handshake. I shut the door behind me, then took his handshake.

    "Hey! Are you Kei? The guy who owns the Yuphinage?"

    Word goes 'round fast...

    "Yeah. That's me," I said, and gave a shake, "And you are?"

    "Ah, Jake. From the IRS."

    Ah? What, ya forgot your name?

    "Huh. Really?" I said.

    Immediately, my mind went to work. Demeanor. No ID. No paperwork on-hand. The fact that he's doing a house-call? And where's his government-issue car? That POS in my driveway? License plate was on the rear, but not on the front. IRS doesn't make house calls, at least without not many, -many- letters first, including information about an audit. And, 99% of the time, the audit involves -me- going to -them-.

    "Yeah. We got the documentation about your charity. I'm just here to check the place out and see if it's legitimate."

    I crossed my hands over my lap.

    "Really?" I said, and rolled up on my toes. I dropped back onto my heels. "So, you got paperwork for me to check out?"

    "It's... in my car," he said, and pointed behind him.

    Hesitation.

    "Uh-huh. Say, mind if I see your ID? You know, just to verify you are who you say you are."

    His face twitched. He knew I was on to him. He daftly patted himself.

    "Ah, shoot. Hey, are you gonna be around later?"

    "Yeah. I live here."

    "Alright. I'll come by later," he said, and turned to his car.

    "Yeah, next time come with the paperwork and we'll talk."

    It only took fifteen minutes to check their work. Marisa did well with handwriting and spelling. Nitori's handwriting was passable -- I'd have to get Marisa to emphasize practicing. It was probably trickier for Nitori, though, due to her size and the nature of holding the pen. She did, however, do well on her spelling. Math, Nitori outclassed Marisa. I made notes on the errors Marisa made, circling and showing the mistakes. It felt weird having to correct simple math like this. Next came grammar. A few circles and underlines for both of them. Nitori seemed to have more problems with sentence structure than Marisa. Didn't surprise me, there, considering how she spoke. They were, however, able to pick out nouns and verbs. After that, came history. This would be an easier subject for them, and the work they did on their paper showed so. Then there was the family picture. I drew a smiley face on it. I made sure to stick it to the fridge. I split the papers by the authors, then neatly stacked them next to one-another. Maybe Rin wanted in on this? Or Ran? Hm. They didn't have badges in the first place, but I don't profusely believe in the rigidity of this system, anyway... seems to be about just making them into pets at the cost of their individuality. Then the whole vague description of platinum badge seemed to be about... teaching them their individuality over being a pet? Seemed rather... counter-intuitive? Ran, by description, seemed to be at least gold badge. Rin seemed silver, unless she's got some brains in there that haven't activated.

    The introduction was just of her talking about where she was, then a little about the Yuphinage, as a 'sponsor.' After that, it was off to the beach. I decided it'd be worth it to invest in a camera stick, so I can hold it around, especially on low angles, without me needing to always bend over. It also helped keep the picture straight, especially in this instance, where I walked alongside (W) Reimu as she strolled along the beach. She talked (or, rather, read what I wrote down) about the beach, safety, animals one might encounter, the importance of not littering... it was practically an infomercial and tourism advertisement. We cut, and did a panning shot of her walking along the boardwalk. She was better at reading off the card without staring directly at them -and- better at not sounding as if she was reading. Even (LS) Marisa was good at acting now.

    "Big sis! Look!"

    We stopped. A girl holding a Reimu stopped. The Reimu was pointing at (W) Reimu.

    "It's Miss Hakurei! Oh my gosh! Big sis, is this for real?!"

    (W) Reimu and (LS) Marisa looked to me, a frozen panic-stricken look on their face. A fan. Hah! How awesome.

    "Miss Hakurei and Miss Kirisame! An easy fan! Please give her an easy greeting!"

    They jolted, quickly turned around, and shouted.

    "Take it easy!"

    The Reimu beamed as the girl smiled.

    "Take it easy, Miss Hakurei and Miss Kirisame!" She turned to the girl carrying her and lifted her braids, "Big sis! Big sis! Can Reimu take it easy with her super favorite idols?!"

    I was still recording. I thought I'd see how this played out. The girl nodded and let the Reimu down. Reimu quickly sped over to the two.

    "Big sis! Make a picture of Reimu, Miss Hakurei, and Miss Kirisame that will last forever and for everyone to see! Now is fine!"

    I smiled and looked to her.

    "What a wordy way to ask for a picture."

    She looked at me.

    "Is it okay?"

    "Yeah. It's fine. Just do me a favor: share it on social media, and feel free to tag them. The advertising is enough for me."

    She walked around behind the three and knelt down.

    "Oh, let me know if you're okay with me recording all of this. If you don't want your face in the video, I can just blur it out."

    "It's fine," she said, without looking back at me. I walked around the front as she lifted her phone.

    "Saaaay.... sweet-sweets!"

    "Sweet-sweets!" all four said at the same time, just as the girl snapped the photo.

    "Patchouli found mister treasure~"

    She reached up under her bonnet and took out what looked similar to a gold doubloon. How in the hell did she find that? She gave me a wink.

    "Patchouli found it while building mister castle~" she said, and stuffed it under her bonnet.

    Hadn't seen something like that in years. Was worth a bit of cash, if I decided to take it and sell it. I'd let her keep it, though. It wasn't as if I wouldn't outlive her... plus, it actually could make a good 'legacy' token -- something I could invent a lore about and tell the children one day.

    "Well, keep it safe." I glanced at the new family, then back to Patchouli, "Hey, keep an eye on them. Make sure they're on the up-and-up. If you have any problems with them, let me know immediately."

    She nodded.

    "Mukyu! Of course, chief Kei! But they seem..."

    "... pretty easy, yeah. I know. Their kids are adorable, the wife is quiet and reserved, and Marisa is determined, and has hopes of becoming a dos."

    "Oh, my! Marisa wants to be dos?!"

    I nodded.

    "Mukyu! That's great! But dos..."

    "Is really hard to achieve, right?"

    She nodded.

    "Any wisdom to share about it?"

    She shook her head.

    "No, no yukkuri knows how to become dos. Yukkuri become dos. That's all we know, mukyu~"

    I nodded. Well, I could maybe still set her up to be taught how to cook by Ran and myself. I took her off my lap and placed her down.

    "Well, I've got some work to do. I'll catch you later. Let Ran know if you guys want anything else to eat later."

    We still had some leftovers from the picnic on the beach. I kind of wanted to get rid of them. I stood up and gave her my goodbye. I entered the house through the bathroom door, then went out front. I went into the back of the van and took out the cooler, then carried it into the house. Was a pain in the butt getting it through the door, but it was lighter now. I placed it down in the kitchen. My instinct almost immediately kicked in. Ran was trying to sneak out. Maybe it was the, 'slowly,' she was whispering that gave it away, but she did something. And I think I know what. I popped both locks on the cooler and opened the lid.

    "RAN!"

    Please wait easy until I finish!

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  • Ruukasu

    This is very interesting! Looking forward to it!

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  • Ruukasu

    This is very interesting! Looking forward to it!

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  • Hitosura

    Ch7 done!

    So, I'll put some more notes down.

    In the very, very early draft of this, Nitori wasn't even a thing. No, seriously, I didn't have Nitori. She was just something I kind of came up with halfassedly. I said to myself, "Alright, I wanna expand the family, but I want something unique." I ran through the list, and got a few ideas for other yukkuri later on, but Nitori stuck with me. I had to come up with a backstory, and after that... I had nothing. Like, nothing. Then, I thought, "Okay, just had Nitori, I need to do something besides having her there to be there."

    :D Nitori & me!

    I plan to start moving ahead with a Nitori's natural inclination towards mechanics soon. Threw some ideas around in my head for how to get it started, since that's -always- the hardest part.

    I would say the second-hardest part is just making sure personalities stay fluid. It's easy to just make them all the same, bland flavor of yukkuri, but don't we already have too much of that? It's also difficult to take into consideration, 'not making them do things they wouldn't do.'

    Need to do something with Ringo and Seiran, though... Hmm~

    Anyway, look forward to more!

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  • Cloudrunner62

    Ideas for new characters can come outta nowhere. The idea for the premature yuuka in my story came from a tiny deformed green skittle I found while I was eating a bag.

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  • Hitosura

    What I find crazy is just how the story writes itself now. All I have to do is decide on the chronology.

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  • Hitosura

    Thomas_the_Dank_Engine said:

    Will Marisa get all passive-aggressive with Kei? Also, I'm here Hito-mama... Come to daddy!

    I don't want to give too much away, but yes. She already has, a few times. Very subtle, though, but he's good at picking it up. There's obviously going to be a point where Marisa is gonna say something to him. I'm still letting that play out in my head. It depends on how far I keep Marisa away, because the longer I do, the easier Marisa will have at expressing herself to him.

    (spoiler alert: that's kind of what he is trying to do)

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  • Thomas the Dank Engine

    Awwweeesome. Sweet...

    How would a relationship like that work? I mean... If they have kids... Human/yukkuri hybrids? Or is human sperm not compatible with... Erm... Bean paste?

    I'm not asking you to put in a smut scene, nor am I mother desperate for grand babies, I just wanna know. Call it "world building"

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  • Ruukasu

    Thomas_the_Dank_Engine said:

    Awwweeesome. Sweet...

    How would a relationship like that work? I mean... If they have kids... Human/yukkuri hybrids? Or is human sperm not compatible with... Erm... Bean paste?

    I'm not asking you to put in a smut scene, nor am I mother desperate for grand babies, I just wanna know. Call it "world building"

    Yukkuri Wiki may have an article about human/yukkuri hybrids.

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  • Hitosura

    Thomas_the_Dank_Engine said:

    Awwweeesome. Sweet...

    How would a relationship like that work? I mean... If they have kids... Human/yukkuri hybrids? Or is human sperm not compatible with... Erm... Bean paste?

    I'm not asking you to put in a smut scene, nor am I mother desperate for grand babies, I just wanna know. Call it "world building"

    I mean, for the most part, this is almost a completely undefined subject, as the story typically ends with the child being born, so I'll have to wing it (for the most part). I mean, you -do- understand that the idea behind Kei pushing Marisa to be human -so intensely- is that he wants to see exactly how far they can evolve into humans. That was the whole point of the flexibility test, water test, etc. If she becomes 'sufficiently human,' the child could come out more-human than yukkuri, though with some interesting hybrid abilities (orange juice heals, but greater durability from our epidermal layer, no nutrition required to live, etc.) might surface.

    Would have to get closer to the subject coming up before I give that more thought.

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  • Thomas the Dank Engine

    Will there be a "Black" moment between the two? For example, differing ideologies? Basically the moment where their relationship will be ruined forever, or they learn to accept differences and their love continues? I don't want this to be an "easy" romance. So far it seems well. Kei isn't too interested Marisa.
    she could admit her feelings and later on he admits he didn't feel that that way about her, and used himself as a reward for her education.

    Just an example of a "Black" moment that comes to mind.

    No I'm not racist.

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  • Hitosura

    Thomas_the_Dank_Engine said:

    Will there be a "Black" moment between the two? For example, differing ideologies? Basically the moment where their relationship will be ruined forever, or they learn to accept differences and their love continues? I don't want this to be an "easy" romance. So far it seems well. Kei isn't too interested Marisa.
    she could admit her feelings and later on he admits he didn't feel that that way about her, and used himself as a reward for her education.

    Just an example of a "Black" moment that comes to mind.

    No I'm not racist.

    Get the fuck out of my head. xD

    Kind of had that in mind. I mean, the sketching of this eventual climax is that what he really wants is for her to become so human, she can actually contemplate if she -really- loves him, or is it because he's the first person to ever really be nice to her?

    When she comes up with her answer, we'll see what his is.

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  • Cloudrunner62

    Hitosura said:

    I mean, for the most part, this is almost a completely undefined subject, as the story typically ends with the child being born, so I'll have to wing it (for the most part). I mean, you -do- understand that the idea behind Kei pushing Marisa to be human -so intensely- is that he wants to see exactly how far they can evolve into humans. That was the whole point of the flexibility test, water test, etc. If she becomes 'sufficiently human,' the child could come out more-human than yukkuri, though with some interesting hybrid abilities (orange juice heals, but greater durability from our epidermal layer, no nutrition required to live, etc.) might surface.

    Would have to get closer to the subject coming up before I give that more thought.

    From what you've written, she's already far beyond a normal bodied yukkuri. I fully understand you didn't want to get too graphically detailed in your story but, I mean, does does she have features specific to humans like nipples and such? I wondered that when you were describing the differences between her and Ran. Toe nails? Not really wanting to ask for TOO much detail on what's between her legs but considering she only had Kei to compare to, unless she went surfing the web prior to transforming...Does she have human female like parts there too? I'd imagine kei would've mentioned otherwise. As a pondering reader, I'm guessing that, physically at least, she may already be far closer to human that yukkuri. Possibly at Reisen's level during early GSC.

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  • Thomas the Dank Engine

    Hitosura said:

    Get the fuck out of my head. xD

    Kind of had that in mind. I mean, the sketching of this eventual climax is that what he really wants is for her to become so human, she can actually contemplate if she -really- loves him, or is it because he's the first person to ever really be nice to her?

    When she comes up with her answer, we'll see what his is.

    You kinda ruined the ending by saying "The Story will end when the child is born" or were you talking in general? Or will the child be born after Marisa rapes Kei to birth a child?
    So many possibilites...

    Also, will some characters die? There's so many. Beit from Old-age, disease, suicide, murder. Or what not. Also, are more characters planned to be added to the whole yukkuri crew?

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  • Cloudrunner62

    Thomas_the_Dank_Engine said:

    Also, will some characters die? There's so many. Beit from Old-age, disease, suicide, murder. Or what not. Also, are more characters planned to be added to the whole yukkuri crew?

    I'd imagine the answer to all of those questions is yes. Honestly though Hitosuna, you've basically reached the max number of characters most readers can keep up with and I recommend that if you wanna introduce any more, that you find a way to phase out some of the old ones. Not doing so runs the risk of a lot of them just becoming flat background scenery and the risk of readers becoming overwhelmed and confused over who is who and what's going on where. The adoption thing would be a good way to lower the numbers by having them go home as pets for others. You could follow them via side stories if you wanted. Another is death of a yukkuri of multiple ones. The method, be it shitheads, rapers, or abusers breaking into the back yard...disease or old age as Thomas mentioned and maybethat leading another yukkuri to suicide or something. It's up to you but regardless, you're in danger of having too many characters. Might already. So just keep that in mind.

    Just trying to give helpful feedback. I've written a few fics, though almost none made it online, and I've read a TON across many genres and fandoms. (Kinda what happens when your attention jumps around from one thing to the next quickly.) So I've learned a few common issues and dangers of inspired writing. You got a great thing going but keep in mind a few things.

    Watch your character count and make sure ppl know who is who. Be very careful of a character becoming a Mary Sue. Kei is starting to fall into that trap and while I understand why, maybe have him get stumped by something and need to ask someone else for help instead of him knowing already what to do.

    Mold for example, outside of a few rare cases, is usually a death sentence for Yukkuri. Cancer is a good analogy as there is no cure outside of attempting to cut it out. Kei always succeeds at this every time which to me almost break the suspension of belief somewhat. I'm almost positive you're basing him on yourself and I know it's tough to intentionally write yourself failing, but it would make it more believable (as much as a story about Yu's can be) if he didn't always succeed. I was highly surprised none of the clan died at the beach. I was fully expecting at least one Ko to get too close to the waves and either be swept away or immersed and dissolve before he could save them.

    Anyways. Long message is long so I'll wrap up by saying that you're a great writer but just need to be reminded of the traps even professional writers fall into.

    Updated by Cloudrunner62

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