One Yukkuri Place

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Topic: What to do about Me and Yu (deleted)

Posted under General

BaronMind

If you haven't read my ancient story over on YFT, this won't interest you. Don't bother going to read it now either, it's not finished and probably never will be.

To cut a long story short, I don't want to finish it for personal reasons. For a start, a number of uneasy things in the story actually happened. I can't go into details without spoilers, but suffice to say it predicted the events that led to its own demise with depressing accuracy.

Secondly, I'm not sure I can. I suffered something a bit like a stroke - thank Hina it wasn't a real one, I've had scans and there's no visible damage - about three years ago, and it basically destroyed my life. I'm still not back to where I used to be and I probably never will be. I can write again, but I still can't feel. And Me and Yu is a personality-driven story. I can't write what I can't comprehend.

Now, Me and Yu has sequels. Yes, plural; I have notes on more than twenty other yukkuri stories, most of them connected in some way. But since I just finished getting into a shitstorm for posting stories out of order on THP, writing them sounds like a bad idea.

If anyone is still reading this wall of shit, do you want me to post a spoilerrific summary of Me and Yu, for the sake of bringing it to a close? Or should I make the best of what I have and play up the unknowns for the followup? One way or another I want to get out of this rut, but mustering the energy to do things when you literally don't remember why you're doing them is a total bitch.

Updated by poweryoga

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  • Quote25

    yes, i would like to see the conclusion, even if it's just a summery. i can't speak for others but i need the closure lol.

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  • Hitosura

    Take it easy, Cirno!

    Do what you feel you must. After all, writing is so deeply personal for some of us (you included, apparently). I'm the same way (and why it takes so long) -- I have to feel that connection.

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  • mad hatter

    With Hitosura. Considering how many unfinished pools and stories are out there, you don't need to justify anything. I'm just glad you're back and doing this well.

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  • BaronMind

    Yeah, at least I'm still here. Most of the people who were around when I joined are gone or nearly gone, even the regulars like dano and TOG.

    And JusticeItEasy. I miss Eiki-sama's walls of text. =(

    I kind of want to help liven the place up a bit, but other than spamming YFT with stories nobody'll read (there's like 8 other people who remember it exists, tops) I can't really do much.

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  • Hitosura

    It's not about who will read it.

    It's about finishing it.

    The fact that you posted this means it's on your mind, and that you want to finish it.

    "An unfinished book is like an unfinished love affair."

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  • poweryoga

    Real life happens, sometimes good sometimes bad. Life is unfair, JIE and several others left for personal reasons as well.

    And that's ok.

    With all my heart I hope you keep your chin up. It doesn't mean much from a guy who moderates and help maintain a yukkuri website (Toawa is the real champ here), but think of it as another human being cheering you on from somewhere on the planet. A lot of life is about looking forward, and I hope you'll keep climbing up with all your might. Fight life for all it's worth.

    And yukkuris... that's the problem with a super niche community that's based off a meme that was created by another super niche community to begin with: I'm surprised we get the amount of hits that we still get with this fandom. We will never get back to the "glory days" of the yukkuri fandom: and that's ok. Things go in and out of style, and there's no need to become bigger and better with more members than before. It would be nice to see this community grow, but given the nature of the fandom that's unlikely and it's probably a good thing.

    As we grow older, we don't have as much time for certain things anymore. Whether it's video games, TV shows or simply writing a yukkuri story. Sometime life happens, and you have a little less time than before.

    And that's ok.

    Sometimes you have to do things because you feel "obligated". You write stories because you feel obligated to. You do that translation because it's been sitting around for 3 years and someone is still interested in it. And its ok to feel "obligated" to finish something. Because that gives you a sense of direction and accomplishment once you finish it. Not just because it pleases a random anon on the internet: no, it's because you fulfilled something you set out to do, even if it only holds meaning for the handful of people that it affects. Sometimes, its the littlest goals that matter the most. It keeps you grounded in reality.

    "Hey! I did it even though I didn't want to." is probably what you'll say to yourself once you're done. If you're ever done, that is.

    Either way, you can be proud of yourself because your story touched someone. It doesn't have to reach a huge audience and it doesn't have to win awards and prizes. But hey, at least one person here will say "thank you", even if they don't tell you directly.

    Anyways I'm rambling, but if you do choose to continue writing your story, remember that it shouldn't be a stress-inducing experience. Writing is about expressing your feelings and emotions, and sometimes it may be soothing to step into another character's mind, no matter whether their experiences may reflect your own or not.

    For me, writing was therapeutic. It allowed me to get away from some of my realities, if only for brief moments. Maybe it can be for you too. I've personally re-read a few of my stories from time to time, and it's interesting to step into my mindset from those past years.

    If you want to post a summary, I'm sure others would appreciate at least some sort of closure.

    Updated by poweryoga

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  • BaronMind

    Hooray for Dosu! Dosu is the easiest!

    Toawa may be the one that does the work behind the scenes, but keeping a community as diverse and controversial as this one from flying apart at the seams is no mean feat, so I beg to differ - it means a lot coming from you.

    Spare me the pep talk though. There have been three deaths, a divorce, a diagnosis of cancer, a home invasion, the worst flood ever recorded in the area and my health has gone down the toilet since I joined up here. I know life is a bitch, and if I hadn't told it to go suck itself I'd be long gone. I'm not really concerned about OYP being small, and I was too late for the glory days anyway. I don't care about having an audience, or making the site bigger and better than it was before.

    I do care that the old guard are leaving and nobody's stepping up to take their place. Even when I left, we still had a few artists pottering around; now it's just Ruukasu, unless I've missed someone - and please correct me if I have. Because ultimately, I've had good times here, and feel I should give back to the community. That's why I signed up, why I spent all those years posting translations, and why, after losing interest and going away for a year, I still came back.

    It's not for everyone, and not everyone can stick around, but I think it's worth it, and I don't want to sit in the peanut gallery.

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  • poweryoga

    Didn't mean for it sound like a pep-talk, sorry if it came off in a patronizing tone.

    I think it's ok that there's an open void left by old users. This is just the nature of fan sites: people lose interest, they get interested in other things and no longer have time, etc. Especially for something like touhou which already has a small following, in addition to yukkuris being a subset of touhou: there's no realistic way to keep people's interest forever. The community itself never reached that critical mass needed to keep people around, and OYP was always based more around reposting content created by the JP community anyway. We had a much better run than I thought we would be able to, I think it's fairly safe to say the site's reached somewhat of a cult status in the touhou community, whether that's good or bad is not up for me to decide.

    I think it's good that you and a few others are still contributing, and I for one wouldn't mind seeing a closure to your story. Don't make it feel like you have to finish anything though, the most important part is you enjoying the writing process.

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  • Hitosura

    ^ what I've always said.

    If you're not enjoying it, no one else will. It'll reflect in your writing.

    At any rate, yeah, this is pretty niche, but what it really is is a reflection of the human condition. That's what a lot of those really good stories were about -- surviving against all odds, fighting on. I always thought it was shameful that they always ended in death, but I suppose this matter is long settled.

    I think the largest issue is that the content is pretty one-sided -- almost all new content is abyuse, and not just abyuse, but looooooong, stretched-out abyuse, and that turns off a lot of people. There's been the last two (Eggplant, and the one just posted) that were pretty lulz. More of that, please! A lot is fine.

    Anyway, Imma dig up your story and read it sometime. :P I wanna see Cirno when Cirno was pique Cirno EX.

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  • BaronMind

    poweryoga said:

    Don't make it feel like you have to finish anything though, the most important part is you enjoying the writing process.

    Hitosura said:

    If you're not enjoying it, no one else will. It'll reflect in your writing.

    This is where the universe decided to screw me over: I'm physically incapable of enjoying anything anymore. And yes, I've done the rounds of the shrinks and the pills. I'm just a special snowflake as always.

    I got back into writing mainly because I'm really, really bored. I can't even get sad anymore, it sucks!

    Hitosura said:

    At any rate, yeah, this is pretty niche, but what it really is is a reflection of the human condition. That's what a lot of those really good stories were about -- surviving against all odds, fighting on. I always thought it was shameful that they always ended in death, but I suppose this matter is long settled.

    I think the largest issue is that the content is pretty one-sided -- almost all new content is abyuse, and not just abyuse, but looooooong, stretched-out abyuse, and that turns off a lot of people. There's been the last two (Eggplant, and the one just posted) that were pretty lulz. More of that, please! A lot is fine.

    Yeah, all the recent abyusefests are just meh. They're not even edgy or anything, they're just bad. We need more interesting stuff to interest more people.

    Anyone up for some slice-of-life stories? Seems to be the only thing I'm good at. Other than headbutting trees, of course.

    Hitosura said:

    Anyway, Imma dig up your story and read it sometime. :P I wanna see Cirno when Cirno was pique Cirno EX.

    I hope you've got your sick bag ready. I re-read it myself yesterday to get back in the groove, and oh gods why are you doing this what did mister grammar ever do to youuuuuu

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  • Hitosura

    It's not even that the abyusefests are meh, it's that they're all the same thing.

    C'mon, you can't tell me the eggplant one didn't have you laughing at one point.

    Also, you don't feel anything probably because you've slunk into a depression. You just have to take it easy! Depressions come and go. Cirno is the strongest! Stronger than any depression! Seriously, though, I know how badly it can sap you. Gets you to the point of where all you really can do is just lay in bed or stare at screens. They pass, they get worse, they get better, and sometimes, they leave you the fuck alone long enough to enjoy life for a while.

    You sound like you've been through some serious stuff, so yeah, it's gonna drag you around for quite a bit. Just remember: the clouds eventually part, and the sun comes back out. Hang in there until then.

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  • BaronMind

    We've been over this. It's not depression. I'm tired of people assuming it's depression. And even if it was, there's been no change in three years and I'm deathly allergic to antidepressants. Saying "you're just depressed" is not helpful or encouraging in the slightest, and waiting for something that's never going to happen is nothing but boring.

    I'm not some emo teenager fishing for pity. I try not to talk about it because that's what it sounds like, but everyone kept assuming I'm forcing myself to do something I don't want to. Well, I am. I don't have a choice. I have a life to live and by Shinki I'm going to live it, through sheer force of willpower if need be.

    I AM THE STRONGEST!

    *bop*

    Someone delete this thread or something, it got derailed into stuff nobody needs to read. My next post will be another story on YFT.

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  • Ruukasu

    [EDIT] Post retracted. Forum needs mister delete button! Now is fine!

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  • poweryoga

    Fufufu, mister delete button is only available for admins...

    anyway I'll delete the thread if you really want me to, or I can just lock it. Up to you!

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  • Hitosura

    :P Hey. We care about yu.

    Even the strongest need a break.

    Well, do what yu must~

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  • BaronMind

    Delete it easy please dosu. Mister internet doesn't need to know about Cirno's uneasiness, Cirno will use mister private messages next time.

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  • Toawa

    Well, before this gets deleted, just know that while I might be the technical one behind the scenes, that's all I am: behind the scenes. There's no way I could do the community facing stuff that PY does.

    Yeah, this community certainly had its heyday... Just reading this reminds me of a time back in 2011 on the fanfic list, one of the members said they were leaving, which wasn't that big a deal at the time... They came back a few months later to reveal that they had lung cancer and they reason they had said goodbye was because they literally thought they were going to die within the next week or two. That was kinda surreal. I have no idea what ever happened to them, but it's always jarring when real life intrudes on fandom. Still waiting for brain uploading :|

    Updated by Toawa

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