First off, I want to say that this is a pleasant story so far. But unfortunately, this is where I have to give my first piece of (hopefully constructive) criticism.
When you're setting up a backstory to be told, you don't just skip ahead with a TLDR. It just looks lazy and misses an opportunity for depth and character development. A detailed account of how Patchy adopted Chen and a predator would be an interesting tale to hear.
Also, making Marisa grow up so fast is kind of pushing things along too quickly. You don't need to speed the story along with the hopes of pleasing viewers, as a lot of people prefer to see things flow naturally. Just as long as you don't abruptly give up and leave your audience hanging for all eternity. *COUGH* suiso *COUGH* takumi *COUGH*
First off, I want to say that this is a pleasant story so far. But unfortunately, this is where I have to give my first piece of (hopefully constructive) criticism.
When you're setting up a backstory to be told, you don't just skip ahead with a TLDR. It just looks lazy and misses an opportunity for depth and character development. A detailed account of how Patchy adopted Chen and a predator would be an interesting tale to hear.
Also, making Marisa grow up so fast is kind of pushing things along too quickly. You don't need to speed the story along with the hopes of pleasing viewers, as a lot of people prefer to see things flow naturally. Just as long as you don't abruptly give up and leave your audience hanging for all eternity. *COUGH* suiso *COUGH* takumi *COUGH*
yeah i should have added something to it. maybe i’ll do something off of it later. it was way too rushed.
At least make your yukkuri like need a month become adult or Young
i’m probably gonna keep marisa as a grown yukkuri, and probably explain the backstory a little more. she was a ko after all and they’re not ko forever.
