One day, a bunch of yukkuris were taking it easy, when all of a sudden a man appeared and abducted them. (A Remirya, a Reimu, a Marisa, a Chen and a Myon.) He took them to a room in the factory, and locked them there. They were to be used as stress relief for the employees. A man walks in, and kicks the Remirya into the wall. It sits down and cowers. The other yukkuris tell him to apologize, but he grabs the Chen and throws it into the wall. He then takes the Reimu, and shaves it bald with an electric razor, ignoring its desperate pleas; their accessories are more precious than their lives. The Reimu is now in a state of shock, and can only cry. He then takes the Marisa's hat, and it starts bumping him while screaming "Give back Marisa's hat!!!". He beats it up until its whole body is swollen, takes it in his lap, grabs a pair of pliers and plays dentist. In the end, the now toothless Marisa faints from the pain, with bean paste flowing from its mouth. He then takes it to a faucet and washes its mouth. It wakes up from the pain. Under the pretext of making its mouth cleaner, he begins to brush its gums. With a four-bladed razor. The nightmare of the yukkuris has just begun.
Anon decides to play a prank on a Yukkureimu family. While they're away from their cave, he throws away their food, the stones they had gathered and a painting the kids made for the mother. When they come back he tells them what they usually say: "This is Oniisan's home! If you can take it easy, stay here!" They can't prove the opposite, since their personal items have disappeared. They end up being grateful. The kids then ask for food. Anon says "I said I'd let you stay here, but I never said I'd feed you. Understand it easy." The mother goes out to look for food. Meanwhile, Anon wraps the kids in a cloth and throws them in the river. When the mother returns, he says they were eaten by a crow. "Why didn't you protect them?" "I said I'd let you stay here, but I never said I'd protect you. Understand it easy." "Yu...I understand easy." That night, he surprises it bu hitting it with a log while it's sleeping. He then says "I said I'd let you stay here, but I never said I'd let you live. Understand it easy." He goes on to explain everything he did, and says that if it had understood earlier, it could have saved its young. He then leaves the cave.
Anon finds a Yukkureimu/Yukkurisa couple on the street. They're chewing on a daikon which they've obviously stolen, so he decides to punish them by taking their accessories. He distracts them by telling them to take it easy, and as they're replying, he runs away. They chase him until it gets dark, but he hides and watches. They give up, crestfallen, and go back to the mountains. He follows them. They find their former friends, who start insulting them because they have no decorations. The two start crying, and the others beat them up, killing them. Anon feels he has made a great discovery, so he feels like continuing the experiment. He reveals himself, saying "let me take it easy here", which makes all the yukkuris trust him. He says that he came to return the accessories of their friends, who went all the way to dangerous places to get food for their friends. He keeps telling them how their friends tried their best for them, until they break down and start crying, screaming. vomiting, going crazy, crushing their children, biting their tongues off and many other wonderful things. In the end, they start eating each other. Anon does this two more times. The third time, two yukkuris are left standing. One is laughing like a maniac, and one is trembling. He crushes the maniac, and takes the other one home. It doesn't even respond to the phrase "take it easy", and it only moves when he puts food in its mouth. He enjoys thinking of ways to bring it back.
It's summer, and Anon is thinking of frozen yukkuris. He finds a family of Yukkurisas parading along the street with their retarded faces. The mother and 6 children. Just by listening to their banter, he gets the urge to bully them. He lures them to his home, and gives them some cookies (past expiration date) to shut them up. He then says he's going to give them a bath. They're very happy about this. He washes them in the kitchen sink, and he then puts them in the fridge. As soon as he closes the door, their happiness disappears. "It's dar...mme out!!! I can'...nything!!! I can'...ke it easy!!!" The mother eventually gets it, and tries to get them out. The kids are still shouting "Mo...mme out!!! Tak...eas-" It gives up and asks Anon to help. He starts kicking it towards the fridge, and it bounces back. This is amusing, so he does it many times. Sometimes he kicks it in the eyes or mouth, and the expression it makes refreshes his heart. He then puts it in a glass box, and checks on the little ones. They're frozen (in this fic, the author says that they don't die from freezing, although he says that they normally do), and sleeping. He takes one and shows it to the mother. "Frozen!!? MWARIZHA'S KIDS ARE FRHWOZEEEEN!!!" "Don't worry, if we warm them up they'll be fine." "Really!!? Warm them up easy!!!" "But if I do that, they'll start making noise again." So he crushes it with a hammer. He takes out another one, and takes the mother out of the box. It tries to attack him, so he puts it back in the box and drops the second koyukkuri on the floor, shattering it, and tells the mother that this will happen again if it defies him. He then takes out a third koyukkuri and gives the mother five minutes to thaw it. It succeeds, and he praises it, but he takes the koyukkuri and smashes it against the floor anyway. He then takes out another one, and puts it on the stove. It defrosts and starts taking it easy, but then it starts screaming due to the heat. In the end, it expands and tears apart. He then takes out the last two, and puts them in boiling water. "It's vewy hot!!! Pwease wet me out!!!" Anon, however, was busy kicking the other one around the room, so he didn't notice. After they've boiled completely, he pours the boiling soup on the mother. Thinking that after playing with his food he didn't eat any, he puts the mother in the fridge. Frozen yukkuri is a very pleasant snack during the summer.
The villagers have a serious problem. Whenever Sakuya goes shopping along with a Remirya, it breaks things, wastes food, and does a lot of damage. They can't do anything to is, or Sakuya will get them. So they consult Reimu. Following her advice, they go to the SDM and start shouting amongst themselves about how the ojousama has been acting like a retard, and how they expected better from a noble vampire. Upon hearing all this, Remilia gets pissed and orders Sakuya to exterminate the Remiryas. Sakuya finds the two wearing kigurumis and doing their retarded dance. They immediately demand pudding. She takes them to the kitchen, nails their kigurumis to the wall and stabs one in the gut. "Remirya is a giant monster, so it doesn't hurt!!! Remirya's strong, so I'm gonna eat you~!!!" Sakuya then starts taking of one's teeth with her knife, at which point it does scream. She explains to them that wasting food is a bad thing, while pouring boiling soup down its throat. It apologizes, at which point she moves to the next one. She cuts its clothes off, and it starts screaming for a new hat. She takes it, dips it in milk, and puts it in a food processor to make pudding. It's left with only the head, which it laments. Sakuya gives it some pudding, which it finds tasty, but then remembers that it's lost its body. She then shoves the head into the grinder as well, and gives some pudding to the other one, which doesn't want it. It seems not even Remiryas are that stupid, it doesn't want to eat the friend it ate pudding with. Sakuya then pours the pudding inside the wound in its stomach. It promises that it'll never complain again. "Of course you won't. I'm going to cook you, after all." After a while, she brings some meat buns to Meiling, who never complains about food. Later that night, the village chief shows up, begging for his life. Remilia says that her mansion's food caused them trouble, so she repays them with a bag of gold. She also says that if the food causes them trouble again, they can eat it. Of course, the villagers give half the gold to Reimu.
Remirya seems to be upset that Anon is leaving it in the forest. It screams "If you don't come back, I'm gonna eat you~!!!" It then starts crying and calling for Sakuya, but eventually gets tired and entertains itself by hitting the ground with its umbrella. When it gets dark, it tries to go back to the SDM, but a family of yukkuri Alices scares it away, it trips on its own pig-like legs and rolls back to where it started. It decides to hide in the nest Anon prepared. It stays there, trembling with fear, trying to stifle its sobs, until the Alices come into the nest. It sees that they're not a threat, so it tries to eat one. The Alices, however, push it down and start raping it. ("A Remirya is fine too!!!") Afterwards, they leave it with the words "Take care of Alice's kids!!!" The next morning, it wakes up and asks "Shakuya" to hug it, and when it grasps the situation, it starts crying for Sakuya and pudding. Afterwards, it returns to the nest and is shocked to see four baby Remiryas, with clothes, hats and all. "Mwommie!!! We want puddin!!!" Remirya then declares its intention to return to the SDM and eat sweets together. (Their conversations are quite amusing, as both mother and children are equally retarded. "What's pudding?" "Pudding is pudding! It's sweet and yummy!!!" "Yay!!!") They then set off towards a random direction trying to return to the SDM. The kids are envious of the mother's umbrella, so they pick up branches and imitate it. They end up in a town market. Remirya starts parading, striking poses and saying "Uuu!!!", and the kids imitate it. They then spot a stand that sells sweets, and start messing it up, scattering food until they find what they want. The shopkeeper holds them down, and they call for Sakuya. The kids faint, and he puts them in a box. It also nearly faints, and the shopkeeper drops it to the ground. It stays there, screaming until its wounds heal, and whn it gets up, he tears its wings off.The villagers gather around it, remembering how it used to damage their stores, and start kicking it around. Eventually, after it's swollen up and has a skewer through its legs, it spots Sakuya. It screams for help, and Sakuya comes near. It asks her to beat the people up, bring some pudding, and take the skewer off. She takes it off, and then stabs two knives into its feet. "We don't need ugly food like you in the SDM." She leaves, and Remirya keeps demanding pudding. When the people gather around it again, it remembers the previous beating, and tries to get on their good side, taking an elegant pose while drooling like a waterfall. Of course, instead of begging them, it says "Remi~rya~ wants pu~dding~!" It receives the first blow, which knocks it backward, tearing its feet off. After a while, it faints.
A few months later. Let's look at the new store that just opened. Upon ordering a meat bun, the owner hits a Remirya in the back, and then rips the arm off from one of its kids and makes it cook it. "Zorry do geeb you waiding!!! *sniff* Jis mead bun is made from Rebirya's kids!!! *sniff* Bleaze ejoy id!!!" And later: "Bleaze gome again!!! *sniff* Dry Rebirya's meat bunz again!!!"
Anon is observing an isolated yukkuri village, probably for research. He notes that they all live happily, except for one thing. Every day, half of them go out to gather food, and half stay home to play with the children. When they return, there's always a hassle of such proportions that the mothers lose the children. Some get taken by other mothers, and some (approximately 3 per day) get targeted by two mothers, in which case they both pull it apart trying to take it from each other. In most cases, its real mother is in a feeding trance ("This shit's good!!!") and doesn't notice.
Some time later, a group of yukkuri Alices came to the village. They were recieved well, and they got along quite well with everyone, especially the kids. However, Anon noticed that the kids started decreasing. So, he gets a pair of Nitori-made night vision goggles and goes to see what happens during the night. It turns out that the Alices go into the others' nests, smash the children, and rape the teenaged ones in their sleep. Said teenaged ones wake up to find out that their children are missing, and they have a tendril full of yukkuri Alices sprouting from their heads. After a while, they've overrun the village. They gather the mothers together and gang-rape them. Some of them are sprouting dozens of tendrils, which kills them. After that, having nothing more to pillage, the Alices left for another place.
In the following story, the writer has the yukkuris giving birth on their own, without a partner. He says that normally, this doesn't happen.
Marisa takes a Yukkureimu family to Reimu's shrine. They're all asleep, thanks to Marisa's magic. The two eat the 14 babies, and then Marisa proposes that Reimu keeps the mother as a manjuu producer. The yukkuris can't count beyond 3, so even if some kids disappear they won't mind. When the mother wakes up, Marisa puts up an act and says that the kids were eaten by a Remirya, and Marisa saved it. Eventually, it calms down, and Marisa sprays it with a hallucinogenic spray. It sees an apparition of a Yukkurisa, and begins humping it, eventually producing 14 koyukkuris. Reimu has them stay under her shrine. She takes a few koyukkuris as snacks occasionally, and a while later there are 8 left. One day, she sees all of them assailing her donation box. Naturally, she RAGEs, but then sees that the smallest one had fallen in, and understands. She RAGEs again, though, when she sees that it had chewed up four bank notes, the largest amount ever donated to her shrine. Boiling with anger, she takes them inside for punishment. She takes the one that ate the notes, makes soup out of it, and feeds it to the unsuspecting yukkuris, which she has locked in a glass box. She then offers to take two of them out, to show them how the soup is made. She hangs two cookies from the top of the box, but the koyukkuris can't reach them. One of them uses another as a stepping stone, and reaches them. The others do the same, but eventually, one of them gets crushed. "Reimu was preventing us from taking the cookies, so we stepped on her!!!" Reimu takes the second victor as well, and puts them in a pot. After they fry for a while, and the mother starts shouting, Reimu pours some water on them, and they're temporarily relieved Then they boil. The mother is horrified, and Reimu tells it that the soup they had before was the same. She makes it drink the soup happily, otherwise she'll boil the other kids too. It does so, smiling and saying the usual "This shit's good!!!", but it's crying. Reimu sees that and says "You broke our promise, now I'm going to boil two more. This time, don't show any sadness, or I'll boil the remaining two as well." The two beg the mother to help them, but it just smiles. Reimu boils them, and the mother slurps the soup down. Reimu then puts it in the cage with the other two, which are afraid of it and refuse to acknowledge it as their mother. It eventually snaps, says they're not its children, and eats them. It then asks Reimu to get it out. "I never said that, I said I'd let your kids out, but you ate them." Tremble. "You'll spent the rest of your life in there." Tremble tremble. "You'll make manjuu for me whenever I'm hungry". Tremble tremble tremble. Reimu then goes out for some fresh air, and notices that the notes from before were fake money. Marisa, who left them there, took a month to recover from her injuries.
Remirya lives in an abandoned house in the forest. She considers herself its "ojou-sama". Every morning, upon waking up, she says "Shakuya, hug~". However, as opposed to most other Remiryas, this one has a Sakuya. It comes bouncing in, calling her "Ozeu-sama" and announcing that she should change her clothes. She exclaims "Remirya can chanje clowthes by herself!!!", and trips over her own feet 16 times while taking off her shirt, and 16 more while taking off her skirt. Sakuya gets excited upon seeing this, and exclaims that ozeu-sama is beautiful, while leaking bracken-starch dumpling (?) from its nose. Remirya then congratulates herself for changing, and Sakuya says that they should go and have "brekfust". They find a family of Yukkureimus that got trapped in their house, Remirya eats the mother and half the kids, ignoring the others' pleas. It's revealed that Sakuya lured them there, with promises of taking it easy. Although Remirya makes unreasonable demands, Sakuya always goes out to get more food. After this, Remirya gets a cheap-looking, broken umbrella, and they go out to see the flowers and the "budderflies". After chasing a budderfly, they find themselves in front of the real SDM. Of course, Remirya considers herself its mistress. They find a group of Remiryas doing their retarded dance, and of course, our Remirya joins in. Sakuya is tired, so it opts to bite the sleeping Meiling's arm. (Their teeth are sharper than other yukkuris'.) It can't actually damage her, but she wakes up, thinking that the real Sakuya hit her. Yukkuri Sakuya reprimands her, and heads for the mansion. The Remiryas were still dancing, drooling all the while. The real Sakuya then appears, giving them all pudding, but gets called back in by Patchouli. Remirya calls out for yukkuri Sakuya, making all the other Remiryas notice it. "I want food!!!" "What would you like, ozeu-sama? Reimu? Marisa?" "No, I want puddin-!!!" Sakuya is displeased by this, and starts eating Remirya stating that her ozeu-sama would never say that. Remirya regenerates, but Sakuya proceeds to eat her head off. The other Remiryas are shocked that what they usually eat is attacking them, reminding them of traumatic events with yukkuri Alices. Sakuya starts eating the others as well. When their heads are being eaten, they scream for Sakuya to save them and bring pudding. The Sakuya proceeds to eat them all. In the meantime, the real Sakuya is making more pudding to serve to the Remiryas, so she can see their retarded dance again. When she sees the scene of carnage, though, she's so shocked she can't speak, and Meling ends up getting the pudding. In the meantime, yukkuri Sakuya is wandering around in the SDM, giving orders to the maids. It then meets Remilia, and is ecstatic to meet the real ozeu-sama, and approaches her like a horny Alice, but Remilia takes her out with a bullet. After that, we see the remaining members of the Yukkureimu family in the abandoned house. "Mommy, I can't take it easy!!! I'm hungry!!! Get us out easy!!! Oh!!! There's manjuu everywhere!!! Wait, Reimu's not a manjuu!!! Reimu is a pretty and cute Reimu!!!" Chomp.
A new yukkuri repellent, a form of incense, has recently become very popular, especially among farmers. One group of Reimu-Marisa-Chen-Myon attempt to ravage a field, but get driven away by the incense. Upon hiding in a cave, and while discussing how horrible that was, they get caught by the factory guys with a net and taken to a room. One of the employees brings them a box, which they think contains food, but it actually contains incense. Still in the net, they can do nothing but scream. The man takes the Reimu out, but before it can thank him he puts it into the incense box. It starts throwing up its bean paste. The other yukkuris are going crazy, some throwing up and some eating the vomited bean paste. In the end, the Reimu has shrunk to a tiny size, but it's still alive. The man crushes it, rolls up its skin on a stick, and puts its accessory on the end. He then puts the Chen in the box, and lights that stick. The Chen starts screaming, and the other two are laughing like maniacs, driven insane by the incense. The materials used for its production are the best kept secret of the factory; skin and accessories of yukkuris.
Anon is a farmer who grows strawberries. This year's crop was somewhat bad, so he can't eat them, but upon reading the Hieda family's Yukkuri Dictionary, he gets an idea. He catches a family of Yukkureimus, and goes to the factory to exchange them with a large Chen and two small Alices and Patchoulis. He takes them home, puts strawberries, bread and marshmellow in a plate, and cuts open the Chen. (It screams, of course.) Its filling is chocolate cream, and he intends to make a parfait. He takes the strawberries, dips them in Chen and eats them. He then goes on to the main dish. Alices are filled with custard, so he takes one with his fork (It speaks in a somwhat ladylike manner. "Ooow!!! It hurts!!! Let me go easy!!! Alice is from a city sect!!!") and dips it in the Chen ("Alice is from a city sect, so it feels good!!!"). He then eats it, ignoring the screams coming from inside his mouth. ("Don't bite me!!! Alice is from a city sect!!!") He eats the rest of the yukkuris, throws the used Chen away, and goes for a walk. He plans to catch more yukkuris.
Three men are chasing an extremely rare Mokotan through the bamboo thicket. They can recover from almost any injury, and it's said that eating one will extend your lifespan by 3 years. They corner it, but Mokou appears and drives them away. Mokotan wants to take it easy with Mokou in return, but Mokou explains that she wants to experiment with another immortal to find out which ways of killing are the most painful, for use against Kaguya. So after a while she asks "Which was the most painfu, getting bathed in oil and set on fire, getting impaled with bamboo sticks, or getting crushed?" "All of them hurt!!! ;_;" In the end, it decides that burning is the most painful. It then asks for permission to leave, but Mokou has other plans, such as pulling out its insides through its eye sockets, cutting off the top and removing its filling, and other things. After half a day, Mokotan had suffered permanent psychological damage.
the Yukkuriver sisters: Yukkulyrica, Yukkuri Merupo and Yukkuri Lunasa. They can sing better than other yukkuris, and they can actually remember songs. In a certain yukkuri village, whose denizens love events, the Yukkuriver sisters have planned a concert. The audience consists of all kinds of yukkuris, even Remiryas and Flandres, but the power of music overcomes the food chain. They start singing nonsensical lyrics (about food, masturbation, Code Geass OP parodies etc), off-key, and without paying any attention to each other, but all the yukkuris are cheering; this is much better than what the average yukkuri can do. A yukkuri Mystie gets excited and goes on stage with them, and eventually the whole audience is singing (different songs). A man then appears, demanding that the heads shut up so he can sing. He kicks the yukkuris off the stage (made of cardboard boxes) and gets on. They're pissed off, but as soon as he tells them to have fun easy, they get excited. His singing, however, is so horrible that even the yukkuris beg him to stop. Their skin starts rupturing and they start ejecting bean paste from their mouths and eyes. When he stops singing, more than 200 yukkuri corpses lie before him.
The factory has announced five new products. We would like to invite you all to test them.
1) Instant Yukkuri Soup. A package with a small hole, containing rice and a live koyukkuri. All you have to do is pour boiling water into the hole. You may consider the screams as an elegant BGM, and when they stop, your soup is ready.
2) Bagged Yukkuris
A large number of koyukkuris in a bag. Saves you the trouble of carrying them seperately. Depending on your taste, you may eat the first one in front of the others, so the horror makes their bean paste sweeter, or you can eat them secretly, to keep the babylike sourness.
3) Capsule Yukkuri
Not food, but entertainment. Newborn yukkuris in a small tube with holes, through which you can pour orange juice to feed them. (Scientific research has shown that they can survive with only orange juice, but they won't grow larger.) When they grow up, they will trust you completely, so even if you tell them to eat each other they won't object.
4) Iced Yukkuri
A box with one Cirnoff in each corner. Place a yukkuri in the middle and leave it overnight. (You may want to cover it with something to stifle the screams.) The next morning, you can file it and obtain a wonderful topping for many sweets.
5) Instant Remirya
A Remirya in a special box. All you have to do is immobilize it, and eat the parts you want. If the screaming bothers you, a special soundproof mask is included.
We hope you enjoy or new line of products!
An oven mitt.
It sits there on the counter, inanimate. The dull-colored outer layer of fabric is decorated with flowers, contrasting the dark surface of the faux-marble counter. This is my kitchen… my home-in-a-home… my laboratory.
I pick up the glove and slide it over my right hand. Its interior is soft and warm. Making a fist and giving it a good squeeze, I savor the cottony goodness. Glancing towards the stove, I review my progress.
A large candy boiler sits atop a small fire. The pot is made of heavy cast iron and covered with bits of old burnt sugar. Inside it, a concoction of water and white sugar boiled. Large bubbles formed and burst as the water content in the already viscous syrup turned to steam. The candy thermometer in the pot reads 157 degrees Celsius, hotter than water could every hope to reach. I grab the wooden spoon next to the stove and slowly submerge it inside the hot sugar. Stirring ever so slowly, I wait until the temperature finally reaches 160 degrees.
The flame is killed, the spoon removed, and the plan begun.
Time is of the essence here. I remove a large glass syringe from its package and slip a thick covering of clear silicone over it. The insulation would make the device safe to handle and keep the sugar molten. I screw in a large steel needle into the syringe, which resembled a turkey baster more than anything due to its colossal size, and install the plunger. The tip of the needle is dunked into the syrup and the plunger is pulled. I feel the heat of the molten sugar as it is sucked into the syringe. A whopping 300cc’s of the transparent lava is taken. I move the pot into a specially made cooler to prevent the candy from hardening. The preparations are complete.
I turn and face my prey.
“Let Reimu go, bad man! Where’s the food you said you’d give Reimu? Reimu wants to go outside and take it easy!”
The Yukkureimu I captured yelled from its prison, a glass box. It cannot do a single thing as its body is tightly pressed against the very small walls of the contraption. Capturing it was an easy task, requiring only a banana, stick, and footstool.
“Man, that was one hell of a trap…”
I snap out of my daydream and resume my experiment. I ready the tip of my completed syringe over the top of the box. Below it is a small porthole designed for my next task. I plunge the needle through the opening and into the yukkuri’s flesh.
Screams. Screams fill the kitchen.
The incredible heat of the syrup easily travels through the metal needle and into the yukkuri’s body. I watch as it tries to flail and escape the box. The glass box does not budge an inch.
“REIMU IS BURNING! HELP! REIMU IS BURNING! HELP REIMU! IT’S HOT! IT’S HOT! IT BURNS!”
Saliva flies out of its mouth as it screams. Despite its situation, every word it says is heard perfectly. I could feel its pain in its wails, music to my ears. I savor the moment and let the needle linger a bit longer.
And then I push down the plunger.
I only have one way of describing what is happening.
It is in hell.
Its previous shrieks are dwarfed in magnitude and pain. I can’t even tell what it’s saying. It’s too busying trying to slam its face into the walls of its prison. However, all it can manage to do is rub its face against the walls. The tears it sheds boil due to the heat and form a line of scalded skin beneath each eye. Vomit is coming out of its mouth, but it’s mixed with molten sugar. The boiling vomit is stopped by the box and the yukkuri is stewed alive by its own liquefied innards. Super-heated steam cooks and loosens its skin. Thrashing, it slides off its skin much like a cook would peel a tomato. Only a few pieces of skin remain: the parts that were seared to the yukkuri’s flesh. The leftover pieces trace the path of its tears. The source of its tears, its eyes, are puffed up and inflated like miniature balloons. The fluid inside has boiled and wants to leave.
The yukkuri loses its eyes. That must have been the breaking point as the yukkuri starts to gnaw at itself. It’s trying to kill itself. Teeth try to chew what used to be lips, cheeks, and tongue. Unfortunately, it is impossible to eat one’s head, so it just ends up removing all the flesh from its face. I clearly see a set of deformed teeth made of hardened bean paste. They are opening and closing, but only touch air, like a macabre teeth toy.
“GazZazbbahhhcc! Deeaaaaalllllllpppppp ttmmeeeeayomae!”
Having lost most of its face, the yukkuri is unable to form any words. Only wet, primal sounds leave what remains of its mouth. But, that soon changes as the molten sugar finally reaches the bottom of the yukkuri. By now, it was almost hardened and the yukkuri was unable to overcome the viscosity. The yukkuri is encased in a prison of hard, but still hot prison of clear candy. It wants to scream, to move, to escape, but is unable to do so. All it can do it suffer.
It wants to die.
But, it won’t. The cause of its suffering is also the cause for its longevity.
Yukkuri biology is extremely compatible with sugar. Just by touching it, a yukkuri’s body will begin absorbing and transmuting it to sugar. Ingesting sugar has all sorts of beneficial effects such as increased awareness, recovery rate, and resilience for yukkuris. It also acts as a stimulant, preventing them from going to sleep and raising their sensitivity. By pumping such a large amount of candy into the yukkuri, I’ve essentially created an undying yukkuri that would stay awake through anything. And the best thing of all… it would be completely fine again in hours.
I stir the pot. The temperature reaches 160 degrees. I turn off the flame. I prepare the syringe. I turn and face my prey.
The yukkureimu looked as it usually did. No physical traces of its earlier experiences remain. But, one thing is different. It’s not moving. It only stares at me. Its mind is shattered, its soul crushed. Nothing remains.
I show it the syringe.
Take an oblong box, pretty long, with one short end open, and a hatch at the other end. The box should be big enough that the yukkuri can move around inside, though only movement back and forth along it's length is really necessary. Insert one through the hatch, shut it, and boredom should have the yukkuri jumping out the open end pretty quickly.
When it does, it is funnelled into another, identical box (make sure it can't jump back). Except this one has a metal floor, heated to slightly uncomfortable temperature. This should have the yukkuri moving out the open end even faster.
The floor in the next box is, of course, even hotter. Continue until you reach a nice frying temperature (if you want to eat them fried), a boiling oil bath (deep fried), or if you're not hungry, just keep it up until there's no chance in hell of a yukkuri surviving that far, at which point you can put various yukkuris into it all, and have a betting pool about which one gets the furthest. Or just watch for entertainment as it is.
I think I'll call this one "Futility".
76. Yukkuri golf.
Mix up a batch of two-part epoxy resin, and impregnate a few strips of cloth with it. Wrap these around a koyukkuri, and wait until the epoxy hardens. Then simply use these as golf balls. A variant would be a pure "longest drive"-competition, as in that case the extra issue of not smashing them to bits would probably be a considerable part of it all. If you're good at aiming, you could also put up the parent(s) a bit out, and see who can hit it the most. Extra points if anyone manages to send a koyukkuri-ball flying straight through the parent.
Afterwards, just dump any remaining balls in the garbage. it won't smell too nice once the yukkuri inside expires (loneliness, dehydration or starvation) anyway.
77. Proposal for a feasibility study for the use of yukkuris as food production units.
Within the same framework as the proposed study for the use of yukkuris for hazardous materials disposal, the author would also like to suggest a study regarding the possibility of utilising the as of yet unexplained capacity of yukkuris to transform various substances into bean paste (or other substances, depending upon the yukkuri type). The possibility of using this to convert materials inedible to humans into calorie-rich bean paste could provide invaluable assistance in both fighting starvation in various parts of the world, and could also help extend the range of submarines, space missions, and other forms of travel where feeding the crew can be a problem, especially considering the relatively compact size of yukkuris.
The experimental setup would see the test subjects immobilised, face upwards. A mixture of a substance inedible to humans and a small amount of corn syrup (to nourish the yukkuri) would be prepared, and a measured amount injected into the yukkuri. A mechanical stirrer would then be orally inserted, to ensure a good dispersal of the mixture through the yukkuri. At pre-determined intervals, small samples of the yukkuris bean paste would be collected to measure the rate of transformation. Finally, once the mixture has been fully digested, the caloric content of the bean paste is measured. Hopefully, this will be higher per unit mass than for the mixture originally injected, so that more calories can be extracted from the yukkuri than what is in injected in the form of corn syrup.
As a side note, the yukkuris can be expected to suffer considerably as the stirrers rip their insides apart, with the confinement, injections, and presence of various substances in their system adds further discomfort. As such concern has been raised that the complete "transformation units" would require sound-proofing to keep the attempts at screaming from bothering pole working around the unit. However, initial studies indicate that personnel working around yukkuris actually feel comforted from any suffering the yukkuri goes through. As such, the only concern would be the noise itself, but the oral insertion of the stirrer has the added benefit of greatly diminishing the volume the yukkuri can produce.
78. Yukkuri emergency power generator.
Take a suitably sized treadmill, and replace the engine with a generator. Angle the treadmill so that if it's being pulled downwards, the generator will supply power. At the bottom end, place a suitable amount of sharp and pointy stuff, aimed towards the other end. Place a yukkuri on the treadmill, and enclose it so that it can't get off. The treadmill should now start rolling due to gravity, carrying the yukkuri towards the sharp edges below, the avoid getting impaled, it must constantly climb upwards, thus keeping the whole thing going. To even out the power supplied, use a generator with sufficient living mass in the rotating parts. If the yukkuri fades too quickly (and doesn't care about getting impaled any more), scavenge the flash capacitor from a disposable camera and hook it up to some of the spikes (charge it from the generator). Touching those spikes would then give the yukkuri a decidedly nasty shock, hopefully keeping it going for a while longer. Putting some food at the top of the treadmill could also prolong the service life of the yukkuri. One it expires, put it aside for a while to rest, or just eat it, it should be quite sweet by then.
When I came home one day, a yukkuri (Reimu-type) had tuned up. It demanded food, so I gave it some drain cleaner. This was appreciated at first, but after a while it seems it's internals started to liquefy, causing it considerably agony.
I told it that there must be something wrong with it's mouth, and that I would fix this, so that it could take it easy. This calmed it down a bit. In order to be able to work properly, I pulled the mouth open wide, and then nailed the yukkuri to a board like that. A pair of nails secured the tongue to the bottom of the mouth cavity, and then continued into the board. It tried to say something at this point, but couldn't quite articulate. It was pretty loud though.
First thing to do was to get rid of the drain cleaner, so I heated a big pot of water to boiling, and then poured it into the yukkuri's mouth. It remained pretty loud. Then it was time for the teeth. I used a hammer and a small chisel (a flat-head screwdriver actually) to remove them. Then I took my soldering rod, and inserted into the cavities, holding it in place for a while at each spot. Finally, as replacement teeth, wood-screws were screwed into place in the sockets instead.
By now, the yukkuri wasn't quite as loud anymore. It was rather a slow gurgling sound instead. I also noticed that it's eyes had rolled back in their sockets, so I went and had dinner while I waited for them to roll back.
Getting back to work, I took out my dremel, and a steel wire brush tool. The sounds coming from the yukkuri was now more of a staccato squeaking. I then gave the roof of the mouth, and the gums of the upper jaw, a good brushing. Then, to stabilise the surface, I took an old brush, and carefully applied a little battery acid to these surfaces, causing them to carbonise slowly. This made the yukkuri vibrate slightly. Finally I rinsed with boiling water again.
The tongue looked like it could use some ventilation, so I removed the nails which was keeping it in place and grabbed it with some pliers. One large nail as then heated to an orange glow, and pushed through the tongue. This was repeated about a dozen times. The yukkuri squealed a bit at first, but quickly lost volume. The tongue was then re-nailed, to the roof of the mouth this time, before the bottom of the mouth, and the gums around the lower jaw, was given the same brush-and-acid treatment as the upper parts.
I then removed the yukkuri from the board. Without the nails it should have been able to articulate now if it wanted anything, but it basically just gave off the organic equivalent of static. So I clamped it in a vice, and mixed some two-part epoxy cement. I put the glue over the lips, grabbed a fat needle and some thin copper wire, and sew it's mouth shut. A piece of gaffer tape was then put over the mouth, to keep everything in place while the cement hardened.
About an hour later the cement as done, and I though the yukkuri was ready to be released back into the wild. As a parting gift, I took into the kitchen, smeared some syrup on it, and finally tossed it out the kitchen window.
Now if I could only figure out some way of dealing with all those bloody ants in my garden.
One day, I spotted a small family of 8 yukkureimus shivering in the cold of winter. Yukkuris were very troubled by cold weather and usually retreated into subterranean nests during the winter. Obviously, this family did not. Being the kind soul I am, I decided to dig out a new home for them so that they may seek shelter.
I exited my house and asked if they wanted to have a new home and take it easy in there. They happily obliged, and I took out my shovel and started digging a tunnel into the ground for the yukkuris to live in.
The tunnel I dug wasn't deep, but enough to provide shelter for all 8 of them. The yukkuris happily moved into their new home, squealing delightfully. Their cries of "take it easy" were ecstatic. I chuckled to myself. Now it was time for my hard work to pay off.
I suddenly started filling in the tunnel, making sure that were no pockets of air unfilled with the cold snow and dirt. The yukkuris's squeals of joy became scared yelps as they demanded to know what was happening. I chuckled a bit more. It was merely me collecting my reward for my hard work. Once the tunnel was filled, I retreated to my house.
2 hours later, I came back out with a bundle of skewers. I dug out the tunnel and saw the yukkuris, frozen solid. Their faces were permanently fixed to a frown and their frozen tears were streaming down their face. I picked on up and peeled off the disgusting skin and skewered it with a skewer.
Yukkuri popsicles. A delicious treat that could be enjoyed by all. I took a bite into it, savouring the fresh bean paste that had been sweetend by their pain.
It looked like the thing to do. Everyone seemed to have fun with it, and no one else seemed to care for their population. I've heard all of the stories, how perfectly normal people would mutilate and kill them. It sounded like it was one of the greatest pleasures in the world.
If only I Knew, I would have started earlier.
"Mukyu!" shouted the Patchouli. I had bought two of them to take home. This one I had planned on killing. The other one, I had planned on torturing. "Take it easy!" The Yukkurisa shouted for the umptinth time. I can see why people were annoyed with them.
I arrived home with both of them and a glass box with a small hole cut out of the bottom. I had step the room up prior to be the resting place of these creatures. I set the glass box on top of the desk and set them both down on the ground. "Take it easy while I go and get everything set up!" I said. My cheerful demeanor was answered by Mukyus and take it easys. I had left the room and locked it.
I returned a short while later with the vibrator I stole from my ex-girlfriend. And for the last time, I'm not obsessive over her. I did that out of spite. I give the two little cute monsters some sweets. My last act of kindness. I turn on the vibrator and touch it to the Marisa.
"Vrr!" She shouts in surprise. "rrrrrrrrrrrrr.... Mawisa feels good...!!!"
Perfect. I stop.
"Yu! Don't stop! Make Marisa feel Good!" It shouted. I just smile in return. I pick up the Marisa and turn it towards the patchouli.
"Mukyu?" Was all it could say before the Marisa Leapt on top of it. "Mu...kyu..." It panted, already out of breath. The Marisa violently rubbing itself against it. I almost thought it would squash under the pressure. Unfortunately for the Marisa, it didn't.
I left them to their devices for the next two days, feeding them and commenting on their beautiful children. The Patchouli had sprouted 4 koyukkuris. All of them were Marisas. "Grow up Easy!" "Mukyu! <3"
It really was a sight of purest beauty and love. The kind of purity that is all the more orgasmic to corrupt.
The four little Marisas grew up to be big an healthy. The Mothers grew bigger as well. Soon, the house was filled with a cacophony of "Take it easy" and "Mukyu"s. Once I felt the Marisas had matured, I gave them all one last set of sweets. I picked up the Mother Marisa, placed it under the Glass box, and turned it to face it's loving family. Now the fun part begins.
I bring out the Same Vibrator and switch it on. Touching it to each of the Marisas, I turn them all of Patchouli, one by one. Soon, all four of them are raping their own mother. "No! Stop it Easy!" The Boxed in Marisa Shouted. "Mu...mu....mu...KYU!" The Patchouli was already wearing out. "Mister, why are you doing this?" It asked me. I didn't think it really had the intelligence to process this all. I simply told her to take it easy and let it run it's course. The Four Marisas continued to hump the Patchouli, almost squishing the bean paste out through her mouth. I almost thought it would squash under the pressure. Unfortunately for the Marisas, it didn't.
Even more unfortunate for the Patchouli, Four sprouts appeared. This almost tore the Patchouli apart, and it's screaming mukyus attested to the pain she must have been going through. The other four Marisas were panicked as to what has happening to their mother. "Who would do dis to mwommie?" They shouted.
The Boxed Mother then shouted at the four of them. "You did this to Patchouli! She can't take it easy because of you!"
"Liar!" They all cried. "You must have done this to mwommie!"
D-did she just start crying? Did the boxed in Marisa start crying? This is ... This is even better than I imagined.
The Patchouli survived the birthing along with the sets of young Koyukkuris. She was still panting and breathing heavily, finally gone of the pain, but the others were still showing concern for her. I decided to take the Patchouli, and told them all that I would take her to a place where she could take it easy. I wonder if they heard the Screaming from the other room as the pan started to sizzle with oil.
Biding my time again, I fed all of the Yukkuris, including the boxed in Marisa. It was still distraught over what had happened to Patchouli, but I cheered her up by telling her that she now has grandchildren. I even let her play with the only Patchouli Yukkuri that popped out in the last batch. Once I felt that the Grandmother had become attached to young Patchouli, I put them both in the same box. They nuzzled each other's cheeks. How heart warming. I fed both of them and started to leave the room. I locked the door and waited for a little while. "...Mister forgot to feed us." One of the four Marisas shouted. I snickered, and walked off.
A Few days later, the none boxed Yukkuris were starting to go insane. "How come you only feed them? Feed us Easy!" But of course I denied them food. "How are we suppose to eat easy?" they asked me. I then gave the two -safe- yukkuris a laughing glance. "I'll show you!" I said to them. I bent down, picked up one of the Koyukkuris, and cut open it's backside. It started screaming. "Mister! What are you doing to my grandchildren?" The Boxed in Yukkuri Marisa asked in a frighten tone of voice. "She can't take it easy like that!"
"But if I don't show them," I answer back to her "Then none of them can take it easy. I only have enough food for you and the Patchouli."
The Boxed in Marisa looked at me with a hint of despair in her eyes. This just keeps getting better and better.
The other Marisas were more captivated by what I was showing them than the poor little thing's screams of "Let me down easy! I wanna go home!" They looked inside the new hole and saw food. I turned my attention to them. "That's right. all of you are filled with food. Now you can eat easy knowing this!"
And with that, the slaughter began. And remember folk, you can't spell slaughter without laughter. That I did. "Stop them Mister! Stop it Easy!" It kept shouting. The little Patchouli's Mukyu of despair was also cute.
The Four big Marisas were stomping away, jumping on the little ones and licking up whatever they squashed. "Yummy Yummy!" They shouted. They didn't waste a single Koyukkuri.
Once it was done, the Mother Marisa's torture began again. "Why! Why did you kill them easy? Why did you eat all of the babies?"
"We didn't eat all of our babies. There were no babies. Liar!"
The big one started crying again. I smiled. This truly was fun.
I reached into the glass box and pulled out the tiny Patchouli. "No!" It shouted "Stop it easy! Don't take her out easy!" I ignored the cries, and only offered that the Patchouli would get squished if it stayed in there with her and grew. I Assured her I would keep them all feed, and wouldn't let the others hurt the little Patchouli.
And so I fed them, and soon enough, the Patchouli grew into a health, large, Mukyuing basketball. The Boxed in Marisa seemed happy at the Patchouli's growth, but I couldn't help but feel that even though the other four Marisas have happily forgotten everything the Boxed in Marisa was still jaded by everything. I wonder if I could break it's spirit. I've heard only one story before where that happened. I believe it was because of a girl named Alice. I thought it was time to see how far it would go to turn this Marisa into a homicidal ball of beanpaste.
So then, naturally, I got out my Ex-girlfriend's old vibrator out again, and touched it to each of the Marisas. I then turned them all onto the Patchouli.
So here's the low-down folks. If you want to play with a Yukkuri, Get two. You'll have endless amounts of fun.
Anon is returning home after invading a yukkuri nest adjacent to his vegetable garden. He placed the Yukkurisa and Yukkureimu parents inside of a cardboard box and closed it shut. The nest was scattered with accesories stained with bean paste. He had been chasing away the pests for the past three days so they must have resorted to eating their own koyukkuri. Anon was disappointed by this because he wanted to make drinks for his 1-man party next week, but at least he managed to capture these gluttonous monsters.
"REIIMU! WE'RE TRAPPED EASY!!!"
"WE CAN'T TAKE IT EASY LIKE-"
Anon reaches his home and kicks the box through the open door and into his living room. The yukkuris crawl out the top of the box and start Yu Yu-ing at him.
"It's the mean farmer. Drop dead easy!"
The Yukkurisa hops over to Anon and starts tackling him, while the Yukkureimu continues to growl. Anon yawns and kicks the Yukkurisa up into the air and catches it like a soccerball. It squirms but stops when Anon begins to shake it. The Factory had recently posted up job positions for research in mass yukkuri reproduction and Anon wanted to collect as many as he could to impress them.
Anon stops shaking the Yukkurisa and it's red in the face.
"Why'd you stop easy? Marisa wants to feel REFRESHED!" Anon picks up the Yukkurisa and puts it next to the Yukkureimu.
"Oh, you want to feel refreshed? THEN HAVE ALL OF THE REFRESHING IN THE WORLD!" Anon begins to cackle madly with his hands in the air as the Yukkurisa rubs against the Yukkureimu. Since they were already a family, it willingly takes it.
Anon snaps out of his stupor and remembers what he wanted to test. Yukkuris tasted sweeter when they were despairing, so he was curious if he could produce sweet koyukkuri, and not the sour ones. As they continue their rubbing, Anon walks over to the corner of the room and produces a flat rectangular paddle.
"That's a paddlin'!"
Anon pulls back and wallops the drooling Yukkurisa. It shrieks and looks back at Anon, and he quickly hides the paddle. It turns back to the Yukkureimu, which was confused as to why the Yukkurisa stopped. They go back to their business and Anon takes another swing. The Yukkurisa is sent flying across the room and now the Yukkureimu and the Yukkurisa and crying.
"MARISA'S NOT LETTING ME FEEL REFRESHED EASY!!!"
"YU! YU! YU!" The Yukkurisa is rolling around in pain and Anon picks it up and forces it to rub against the Yukkureimu despite the tears.
The Yukkurisa suddenly stops crying and looks at the Yukkureimu in confusion.
"Reimu isn't taking it...easy?"
Anon pulls the Yukkurisa away and is surprised. The Yukkureimu is swelling and turning white. Its eyes slowly turn into a dull brown and it's not making any noise. Anon backs away as it begins to fill up the room and he turns around and runs outside with the Yukkurisa. He cowers in a crouched position for a minute and slowly looks back.
The Yukkureimu now looks like a gigantic bun. It doesn't breathe, doesn't move, but it has stopped growing. Anon swallows and walks back into his house. The Yukkurisa pops out of his hand and he allows it to hop to the Yukkureimu.
"...did Reimu take it easy too much?"
The gigantic Yukkureimu let out a breath and a red mist fills the entire room. Anon shields his face and holds his breath. After fifteen seconds, he looks up and sees that the mist has cleared. The Yukkurisa is gone, accesories and all. Did the red mist it emitted melt the yukkuri? Anon cautiously walks up to the Yukkureimu and gives it a squeeze. It does not react, and it feels extremely soft. Almost...too soft. He sits on its face and realizes how comfortable this is. He begins to consider making Yukkuri beds with this method when he feels a rumble.
Anon jumps off as the Yukkureimu explodes into pieces. He is sent flying across the room along with his filthy furniture. Strangely enough, he was not covered in bean paste as he had expected. Anon had heard of a person who had microwaved a Yukkureimu and ended up covered in third degree bean paste burns, so this was a bit of a surprise. He glances back to where the Yukkureimu was.
"YU! YU! YU! YU! THIS SHIT TASTES GOOD!!!"
A pile of Koyukkurisas and Koyukkureimus sit atop the mountain of white Yukkureimu flesh and are eating it quickly. Strangely enough, the adult Yukkurisa and Yukkureimu are there also and telling their kids to grow up easy. It appears the the Koyukkuri are fully grown and that the adults have forgotten what had happened only minutes earlier. Anon realizes his success and runs to the phone and calls the Factory to tell them about his success. They tell him that they will send a team of collectors to take the children and instantly appoint him a position at their research facility.
Anon hangs up and walks over to the Yukkuris, but trips over something. He turns around and sees a bright red Yukkuri dash out the front door. He considers giving chase, but ultimately decides not to. After all, how important could it be compared to this discovery?
I've seen some horrible things in my lifetime. I've waded through the killing fields of 'Nam, watched men have their arms, legs, heads torn off. Our guys. Their guys. I've seen boys (or what was left of them) strung up by their genitals, skin sheared right off, their eyes hanging from their sockets, a reminder that Charlie don't take prisoners. And when he's feeling nice, they'd pray to trade places with ole Johnny Nosack here. I've seen my best friend take a WP to the face, leaving nothing behind but a charred mess that even the Eldrich horrors would be disgusted by. The things that I've seen, the things that I've done.
These were child's play.
There is one thing worse than all of those put together. The boy that dies in the paddies is the lucky one. We, the ones that came back, we were the ones that suffered worse things than anybody could imagine. That which has been seen cannot be unseen. That which has been burned, engraved into our minds like the Devil's cattle brand.
The worst thing a man can see is that wise-cracking young private, ready to drop a gook and earn his manhood. He's willing. Eager. A little wet-behind the ears. You see him come back, the blood of another wise-cracking young private on his hands. Only this one was on the other side.
They say war makes boys into men. That's not true. War makes boys and men alike into hollow shells of humanity.
We are the worst thing you can see. A horrible, unspeakable evil.
I was once that wise-cracking young private. Now I'm just a rambling old man. That's when I found her. Making my way God-knows-where one evening.
These things, they call them "yukkuri." Grotesque little imitations of intelligent life. Nobody knows where they came from, only that they're everywhere. They're nothing more than heads. Cute little deformed heads. The absolute most adorable thing you've ever seen. You can't help but hug them. And that's coming from me. A guy that, just a few decades before, was putting bullets through the skulls of kids your age and watching my buddies get the same.
They hop around, eating sweets, and yelling, "Take it easy!"
Always smiling. Before I met her, I'd boot every single one I found. "Punt it easy, bitch." Send them flying, crying, "Wah, wah, stop it easy!" until they shut up and let me get back home.
And I'll tell you the truth, I was ready to introduce this one's face to my boot when it cringed. She sobbed quietly. She didn't say, "Take it easy!" She didn't say anything easy. This one knew. She knew life wasn't easy. Life was hard. "Take it hard!" She'd say if she could.
The other ones, when they got hurt, they cried. When they were happy, they laughed. And they're always happy. I couldn't stand that.
This one. This one didn't cry like the others. She didn't bawl louder than a baby, which I assure you, I would boot just as soon, if it told me to take it easy. No, this one just sat there. She knew what I was going to do. She didn't tell me, "Mister, don't do that easy!" She was waiting. Somebody had done something horrible to this little thing.
Somebody had broke her spirit.
This yukkuri I found that day, she didn't want to take it easy. She wanted to die.
The nurse sighed as she walked back behind the counter, slamming the door behind her.
"What is it?" the pharmacist asked, looking up from his papers.
"Sergeant Johnson's been scarring the kids with his yukkuri stories again," she answered, rummaging through the boxes.
"Upping his medication again?"
"Until he stops telling me to take it easy."
The yukkris gathered in secret, a huge collection of disembodied blobs bobbing up and down in the midst of the valley. It was a quiet gathering, with only a few cries of “Drop dead eajy!” and “Stop squashing me!” from a couple of the more tightly-packed ones. The only illumination on the overcast night were a couple of Moukotans, who were trying to headbutt an undefended Teruyo to death.
A Yukarin hopped to the middle, jumping up onto a raised piece of earth.
”Can’t take it easy here anymore! They keep hurting us!”
There were shouts, catcalls of “Just take it easy!” and “Go slowly!”, but the Yukarin jumped up and down, pulling a large piece of paper out of a Yukkirisa’s hat.
”They’re going to put us all in the factory!” Indeed, the plans on the paper did have ominous portents for the future of the Yukkris. Even though the crowd mostly were too stupid to read, it still elicited a shiver of fear out of them.
“Bud… where cand we dage id eajy?” asked a small Alice type.
“I’m beautiful! I’ll show you where!” Taking out another piece of paper, the Yukarin held it up for all to see, and the gathered yukkris went wild with delight.
After the gathering, the Yukarin hopped off to the side, where it jumped through a gap.
“Ah, Mistress Yukari…” Ran Yakumo, the fox-youkai was on the other side, in one of the many rooms of Mayohiga.
“Ran, help it easy?” Stepping over to the Yukarin, Ran flexed sharp claws, and in one stroke tore it in two – it shrieked for a second before deflating, and from the ruined skin rose Yukari Yakumo, pulling clumps of natto from her hair.
“Gah, I’d rather not have to do that again,” she said, heading towards the bath.
“Did… did it go well, mistress?” asked her shikigami.
“Oh, yes. They’re easy enough to manipulate. And you-know-who is ready on the other side. Finally, those dratted things will be gone, and I can get some proper sleep.”
Lunar Capital, control room 43
The first signs of problems came from the inner perimeter. Garbled screams and cries came over the antique radio system, waking up the communications bunny at the controls.
“What’s happening over there, sector 5? Sector 5, come in!”
The station went dead abruptly. The moon rabbit swore and changed the frequency.
”Section 4, come in. I can’t raise sector 5 suddenly. Hello?”
“Command, something weird is going on… I think I saw a flash of light over by the other outpost, but, hey, what’s going on? What the- what are those things?! Open fire! Look ou- oh my god, get her out of that thing! No, no! NOO-“ Silence.
The rabbit gnawed on her fingernails. Triggering the alert in the middle of the night would be punished if nothing was actually happening, but this sounded bad. She radioed the chief of staff, asking her to wake up.
“So what’s the problem? We can’t pick up the outposts? There wasn’t any inbound traffic, was there?”
“I don’t know what it was, ma’am. But I don’t think the girls in the perimeter are still still alive. Was- did you see something move out there?” On one of the balconies, the lunarian War Councillor was looking out over the edge of the crater’s basin. She peered out, telescope focusing on the cliff wall. Then she saw it as well.
”My god…” At first, there were just a couple. Then a few more. And then a small avalanche of bouncing heads flew over the edge. They bounced off the floor and took flight, soaring in the low gravity looking like flying skulls cackling insanely across the dark starry sky. And not just the heads. Winged creatures of fire and blood, indescribable monstrosities of conjoined flesh and machine crawled over the edge. One of the morbid vehicles flew across their field of view; barely legible on the side through satanic runes were the words ‘Makai Tour Services: Back in business!’
“Mobilise the army! Get ready to repel- look out, councillor!” Some kind of interdimensional rift was opening directly behind the War Minister. And one of the disembodied heads flew out of it, jumping on her. “Take it hungry!” it shouted.
“NO!” Leaping forward, the moon bunny lunged at the blob, but another one appeared out of the gap, and it opened its mouth impossibly wide, only to engulf her. She felt a rush of air as it closed its mout
“It’s nice to find someone with your mindset across the border, Yuakri. We rarely have any contact over here with you… even my daughter never calls.” Shinki sat as she sipped her tea on the balcony, watching Alice talking with Yumeko in the garden below. Yukari smiled, and nodded.
”Oh, the past is the past – there’s no need to hold grievances when both sides stand something to gain. And now your tour operating industry will be able to revitalise the Makai economy, the yukkris have a safe place to stay, and Gensyoko is no longer bothered by their caterwauling. No offence, Chen.” Chen, too busy playing with Hourai, didn’t notice.
“And you take revenge for the ‘loss’ you suffered all those centuries ago against the moon, I guess?”
“Oh, no. That was purely coincidental, of course. After all, the past is in the past. By the way, how did the invasion fare?”
“The moon? Oh, they took it… easy.” They both laughed.
Reisen Udongein Inaba landed, the familiar low pull of the moon’s gravity on her making for an easy touchdown. It had been a day since she had lost communications with her fellow moon rabbits. Eirin had agreed to let her use one of the lunar veils to return to see what was going on…
“Dear Creator…” The Lunar Capital was aflame. Winged demons flew through the sky, disembodied heads glided through the air, bodies were littered across the moon’s floor and city. Her fists clenched as she saw the limp forms of her former comrades strewn like dolls over the landscape. She unslung her rifle and turned, coming face to face with a giant distended yukkri head.
“You… you’re huge! That means you’ve got rabbits in your guts!” She slotted the bayonet lug into place on the end of the weapon, and raised it over her head.
“RIP AND TEAR!!!!”