where did you find this one?
Posted under General
where did you find this one?
Heptoct gave me the link.
zidana123
I think you did a good job overral, though I also think you still miss the point of the story if you keep agoing about "it stopped being about cute yukkuris" when the whole plot was about anon changing from blind lover to hater, but eh, some people are very big on this "crying moe" thing and whatever so I won't get too much into it, some people may find them cute but the story wasn't really about that.
Anyway back to the translation itself, I think you did a good work, in the end some weird terms come out like that egg-gun thingy, not sure if they literally meant that or it's some mistranslation, but overral it was a good job.
Story wise, it could had gone better, but it at least was fun enough and even delivered something many of us like, one of the characters not letting the yukkuris get away with their delusional logic and explaining them how things really are.
The last line of the story made me wonder if a sequel with a "new change" would happen and wonder if that new change maybe becoming someone with a more in the middle mindset, being more merciful with niceheads like patchouli and remaining merciless with the trash and shitheads like one eyed marisa or his ex-pets.
Anyway, thanks for your good work Zidana, The story may have flaws and annoying aspects but it still was fun enough and your effort in translating it, in my humble opinion, payed off!
Updated
You're welcome! :D
Yea, my sole motivation for reading the story was for the yukkuris, so it annoyed me whenever the narrative went into the narrator's interest in girls or relatives or whatnot. What I mean when I said that the story stopped being about cute yukkuris was that when Marisa and Yuuka showed up with their bad news, the narrator's individual interaction with yukkuris kind of dropped away entirely. From that point on everything was in the abstract 'this happened and then this happened', and his only real interaction with yukkuris after that was finding the one Marisa in the bushes.
As far as the translation of the last part, my interest in the story dropped down to 0% as soon as One got a spell card. If I were just reading the story on my own I would have just stopped reading at that point >_>;;; So literally for the last section I was just going with a direct translation, which is where the egg gun thing came from. I'm not even sure -what- that's supposed to be.
Story-wise, eh, in the scope of what he chose to write about, I think Hy could have done a MUCH better job at transferring the 'blame' from the pet Marisa to the one-eyed Marisa. When you think about it, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. The pet Marisa was the one that nearly killed the narrator's niece. The pet Marisa was the one that really 'betrayed' the narrator's love and care. And it was the pet Marisa's speech that really gave the narrator his Heroic BSOD. And yet the pet Marisa gets off with being castrated, spikey cactus, slapped around a few times, and insanity? Whereas the one-eyed Marisa is still alive being used for ongoing experiments and such? I mean, I get that One (shudder), as a character is wishy-washy and is probably substituting one-eyed Marisa for pet Marisa, but as a reader it just seems weird to me that this is the one he's focusing his vengeance upon.
Also, it doesn't make much sense for him to say he wouldn't allow the one-eyed Marisa to die when he was originally intending to just smash her after her speech about humans. It was Asu that stopped him.
Not sure if this one has a sequel yet. In his afterword to Mother and Daughter, Hy referred to this as his 'other' long work, so for the moment there only seems to be two.
I'm just hoping that the 'Alex Mercer' abyuser from Mother and Daughter isn't a cameo by One... ._.
zidana123
Ex-Pet Marisa did a lot of shit to One and deserved more torment, but One Eyed Marisa also had a bit of betrayal (One showed his intentions of saving her and her lil ones, she acted like a bitch and invaded his home) and since she called herself the leader and all that (even though the other marisa also did it), also I think Ex-Pet was dead so no chances of "fate worse than death" for her, so One picked up the next best option for him.
Maybe the incident of the dosu burning down the flower field of his sister and nearly killing his brother in law lead him to want to bring even more suffering to One Eyed Marisa for being a "yukkuri leader", like the one who ruined the home of his sister.
Though yeah, the ending could had done better, While I was aok with the scenario of a dosu fucking shit up and the villagers hunting her down to punish her, it felt rushed, like suddenly dosu was dead and all the shits got sweeped in a undescriptive blaze, I think the ending would had been a bit better if the punishment of Dosu and her herd was more descriptive (if you forgive the whole learning a spellcard out of hatred thing.)